I’m not sure how many more messages like this I’ll end up sending. And not sure how you might feel annoyed.
While organizing things on my MacBook, I came across the DC trip plan and some of the messages I got from you.
You know I tried so hard to forget you and that it didn’t really work.
I remembered how excited I was a year ago, thinking about visiting you, messaging back and forth with you — it all comes back to me and I once again realized that forgetting you through efforts alone just isn’t going to work.
People have told me to meet someone new, or to cut off contact with you completely. But it didn’t work as well. I can’t really handle the sadness of not talking to you forever.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a casual date, there’s nothing to be expected, and we’re different beings in many ways including ages, and you’re just someone I happened to meet online. I’ve also tried to think it’s just my lack of experience that’s making me hold on to you and it’s not a genuine feeling.
But now I know… I don’t want to keep trying to downplay the happiness I felt through the time, or the fact that you were genuinely a good person, just for the sake of forgetting. Now I’m trying to accept it as something like a “momentary fate.” I met you by chance, but I believe you were the right person that I met at the right time. Without a doubt, you were special to me, and without a doubt, I was happy for your presence. I won’t try to force myself to deny that anymore just because I want to forget you. Even if that time never comes back, I can accept this momentary fate with a heart full of gratitude.
